Next, previous failure made me unable/unwilling to try again. Being morbidly obese, the idea of exercise to me came with memories of pain, embarrassment, shame, and cluelessness. On top of that, as my weight has risen, so has my social anxiety - to the point that I am agoraphobic. Now, how am I supposed to take a neighborhood walk if I have a panic attack leaving the house by myself?
In preparing for my revision surgery, I began taking all of the necessary steps to prepare my household for my post-surgery life. We purged the bad foods, bought the protein shakes, researched how to EAT healthy. All the while, I had a nagging sensation that I am intentionally ignoring the other half of my post-op recovery: EXERCISE.
Now, everyone PLANS on exercising. It'll always start tomorrow. Trying to fall asleep at night, thinking about how you can improve your life... tomorrow is when you'll start eating right and exercising. Tomorrow you'll go join that gym. I did the same for many years.
What changed? I stopped talking about it, and just DID IT. I reached out to my friends on the ObesityHelp forums for suggestions on how to incorporate exercise into my life while avoiding the most common 'walk the neighborhood for 30 minutes' solution. While there were many good ideas and words of encouragement, the idea that struck me was a suggestion to try a at-home video by Leslie Sansone. I searched Amazon and instantly found a DVD called Leslie Sansone: Walk Away the Pounds Ultimate Collection.
This DVD looked extremely promising. It features 4 routines in the one DVD.
From the Amazon description:
1 Mile Get Up & Get Started- 18 MinutesGet Up & Get Started will show you all the basics for a brisk, upbeat walk from perfect posture to using weights to make this a walk for your whole body! This gentle and effective form of exercise will help you tone your legs, buns and abs, condition your heart, speed up your metabolism and help fight aging! Optional Equipment: 1lb. weights
2 Mile Brisk Walk-30 Minutes
This 2 mile walking workout builds strength, endurance and flexibility, while boosting energy levels and super-charging your upper and lower body. You get 30 minutes of power-packed cardio, followed by a targeted, body-toning routine, and a series of yoga-like stretching moves with the Stretchie that will leave you feeling both challenged and renewed.
3 Mile Advanced Walk- 51 Minutes
This challenging 3 mile walking workout is going to give you so much more. You re getting 45 minutes of intense fat burning and body sculpting, plus a revitalizing resistance band routine with the Stretchie that takes the power of your workout to a whole new, invigorating level. Walk strong as you add kicks, curls, lifts and stretches to tighten your tummy, boost your buns, trim your thighs, and reshape your back, arms, and waist for maximum results!
4 Mile Super Challenge- 60 Minutes
This high-intensity, 4 mile walking workout will challenge every major muscle group in your body while burning the maximum amount of calories. You will build energy, strengthen your core, blast away the fat and inches, and boost your metabolism for all-day fat burning that doesn t stop, even when you do! You re getting a health club quality workout in your home, on your own time.
Wait, I can walk a MILE in my house? It only takes 18 minutes? I can do this while my husband isn't home or sleeping? I purchased it right away (Note, the cost was less than $10 so it was a pretty quick decision).
Next was the self-doubt. As soon as I ordered the DVD, I thought to myself: "Here you go Felicity. Starting up another dead-end exercise regime. Why even spend the money when you could walk in place yourself? What makes you think you will even OPEN the box?". As you will grow to learn about me, self-doubt runs RAMPANT through my head. It's something I deal with every day, and a major reason I haven't been successful in the past. I doubt myself too much.
Back on point. I receive the DVD in the mail on a Thursday. My husband was home all day that day, I had very little sleep, my body was sore, and I had too much to do. OK - I'll put it off until tomorrow. Friday comes around and I talk myself out of it because I am too busy at work and I needed to clean the kitchen. What kind of lame excuses were those? Am I really looking for any excise to avoid moving my body?
I had a heart-to-heart with my husband Friday night. We discussed our shared weight loss goals, his concerns about his own success on our plan, and I expressed my crippling fear of exercise. He responded with simply: "You realize that once you start exercising, it'll make you feel BETTER, right?" I didn't believe him. My exercise experiences in the past were exhausting at best. He went on to say that exercising gives you MORE energy, and eventually you look forward to it. That concept was unbelievable to me.
So today I was doing my usual Saturday activities - clean the house, start the laundry, take care of some things that I don't pay attention to during the week. Then the idea hit me... "It's a Saturday afternoon. Your husband isn't home. Why not put the DVD in now and see what it's all about?" SO I DID! I put on a sports bra, some shoes/socks, put the hair in a pony tail, and just DID IT.
I am in terrible shape. I have done as little physical activity as possible for as long as I can remember. I naturally select the 18-minute one mile workout to start. The atmosphere of the video was welcoming, Leslie Sansone was friendly and encouraging, and the instructions were clear and I didn't feel out of place. No one could see what I was doing! I decided to give it my 'all' and give the workout my best effort.
My heart was already pumping hard even as the warmup was ending. The screen popped up a quarter mile marker... and I burst into tears. I was doing this! I was LITERALLY taking steps towards this life that I always wanted. I was exercising the way I am supposed to, and I had a sudden moment in my mind where I could PICTURE MYSELF THIN AND HEALTHY. That thought alone pushed me through and kept me sweating.
Next, the half mile marker came up on the screen. By now I am VERY heavily breathing, sweating, and definitely feeling the muscles working. The surprising part was - it didn't hurt. It wasn't until the very end of the next quarter mile that I felt like I was overdoing it. I had pushed myself past the half mile, I kept up the pace with the steps on the TV... and my body was telling me it was too much. So I called it a partial success and sat down. 30 seconds later, Leslie called out that it's time to start cooling down. Thirty seconds more and I would have made it through the whole video! I jumped back up and decided that I can PUSH myself to finish this workout.
As soon as I stood back up, the marker popped up on the screen again to announce we've walked 3/4 of a mile. The surge of emotion when I got to that point was almost staggering. I started crying again, huge tears rolling down my cheeks alongside the sweat as I am stepping along with the TV to finish the cool-down period. Soon after, the video segment was complete and I had finished my first workout in over 10 years.
Know how I felt? AMAZING. Sure, my thighs were a little tired (not sore) and I was sweating like a cold coke on a humid day... but I felt GOOD. Not only did my body give me signs that "hey, I like the blood flow - keep it up!" but my mood was good. I wasn't tired. And most importantly, I felt PROUD of myself. I proved my inner voice of doubt wrong. I showed myself that I would succeed and I would reach my weight loss goals. Not only with diet, but by incorporating just a little time commitment into each day. Today I overcame my fear of exercise.
326lb, Excercise Day 1 - August 8th, 2015
(Note, the "After" picture I was not only red from exercise, but had been crying happy tears a moment before!)
Hopefully sharing with all of you how DIFFICULT it was for me to even get started - Maybe it can help you too! I will leave you with a quote from Dale Carnegie which hit the nail on the head:
Congrats Felicity! that is one hell of an accomplishment!:)
ReplyDeleteBecause I have a fracture in one knee and arthritis in the other walking right now is a can't do but I have been trying to move more and more.
Keep up the great work! Kudos to you!!